did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
