Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
