my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
