I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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