i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
