Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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