Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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