...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
