my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
