Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize