so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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