in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
