put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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