Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what day is it and did you see me today?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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