he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
