i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
