from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
