you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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