Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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