the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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