He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
