I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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