So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
