Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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