ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
