my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize