So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
