I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
