I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize