Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
