oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
