i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
