Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize