Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He kissed a someone with a penis
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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