Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
