If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
