I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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