your thong is hanging out like whoa
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
