I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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