Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
