I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
