I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
