my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
And then he peed in my hair
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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