He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
