The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
