I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
