dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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