...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
