so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
