Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
