The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
