you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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