she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
