Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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