Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My pussy is not your playground.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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