Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
