I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
