Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
