There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
