i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
