The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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