Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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