I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
