Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
