I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
