why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
