i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
