overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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