yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And then he peed in my hair
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